London - (Rotters): An elite squadron the the Special Air Service - the SAS - is poised to swoop on the Regent's Park residence of US Ambassador Robert 'Katie' Holmes Tuttle after covert operations revealed that the Bush envoy intends to detonate an atomic device deep under the Saudis' Mayfair legation if the Met's Fraud Squad finally arrests UK Prime Monster Tony Blair in the loans-for-honors investigation.
The squadron is normally stationed outside London in a rural Hertfordshire HQ but has been moved to a secret undercover location in the City at Pear Tree Cottage, Honeypot Lane, Plumpstead Common in readiness for a dawn surprise attack on the plotters.
The unit is renowned for its superb counter-terror skills having successfully put the boot in at least five times when previous UK Prime Ministers attempted military coups d'etat with Bush-family backed Republican financing: Harold Wilson in 1976, Margaret Thatcher in 1980, Margaret Thatcher in 1984, Margaret Thatcher in 1988 and Margaret Thatcher in 1991.
Persuading UK mega-fraudster, Mossad pimp and serial child sex offender Robert Maxwell RIP to go for a moonlight skinny-dipping swansong in the Mediterranean in 1991 was one of the unit's seminal accomplishments, resulting in a partial IRA truce for a number of years until its head of Army Council took over as UK Prime Mobster in May 1997.
Their legendary powers of persuasion were also at the forefront of intimate discussions with Tony Blair in 1998 when his wife Cherie attempted to seize one of the beautiful Nash Regency villas in Regent's Park as 'treasure trove' during a psychotic episode where she invented herself as the country's First Lady, along with being the custodian of the entire business investment portfolio of the property's rightful owners.
As Comet McNaught continues to dazzle the tropical skies below the Equator this week, law enforecment agencies are united in taking no chances with the lunatic cabal of the Bush Administration's outreach posts in London and elsewhere.
"It may be just a matter of days", said a celebrated comedy writer's cleaning woman this morning. "Burn's Night is looking good for me right now."
