McCartney Heather Attack Shocker

Funny story written by Matt Linehan

Friday, 5 January 2007

image for McCartney Heather Attack Shocker
Sickening Scene of Attack

Paul McCartney has shocked the world by assaulting his estranged wife at his home today.

Eye witnesses claim that Mr McCartney had to be restrained by police officers in order to end the sickening attack.

It is alleged that McCartney invited Ms Mills to his home to discuss their divorce with a view to patching things up and making the separation more amicable. It seems the ex Beatles singer had other ideas.

One eye witness said

"It all happened so quickly. One minute they where talking, the next minute Paul whipped out a plane, hammer and a handful of nails. He just grabbed her by the leg and started smoothing it with his plane - over and over again. The noise made me feel ill - his face was mad. Heather screamed and I ran and called the police"

The eye witness described the scene as "carnage" with "wood shavings everywhere".

Ms Mills is said to be recovering at home but was later visited by a carpenter who is said to be carrying out delicate "reconstructive work".

McCartney remains in custody.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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