Written by Jaggedone

Monday, 5 November 2018

image for Channel swimmer attempting to escape Brexit is thwarted on new Irish border!
Farage's SS troops, illegally imported from the US welcomed the UK swimmer back in the UK!

A 'nautical nutter' who just happens to be a super swimmer, but downright broke, thought, "the only way of escaping Brexit madness is to swim the Channel because I aint got no dough, mate (he came from Cockney Land)!"
Anyway, at the break of dawn in Margate, mate, he set out for the infamous Sword Beach in Normandy. On the way he was blinded by swarms of jellyfish patrolling the new EU/Brit border, OUCH! So, he decided to turn north and head for Amsterdam where a quick joint and visit to the red-light district would make him feel at home in the EU because once in Holland you don't need money, everything is free!! (Holland is expecting a caravan of illegals after that statement!)

Sadly, a North Sea Ferry carrying illegal drugs from Amsterdam blocked his view and was too fast to catch! So, he headed further north hoping to land in Iceland, but he met a hungry polar bear on the way escaping from global warming and was forced to turn west!

Whilst entering the Irish Channel, Northern Ireland border guards, building a new frontier between the EU and their pathetic country, spotted this strange figure attempting to escape DUP madness still in UK waters! They told him to 'fuck off' back to where he came from because they love licking May's and BOJO's rear end and, people who don't, are unwelcome just like Catholics, Romanians, Bulgarians and other East-European 'Untermenschen!'

The poor swimmer was forced to go back to Margate, mate. Where he was welcomed by Farage's SS troops, dressed in white coats, who dragged him off in a white van heading for a loony bin called Broadmoor. He will soon appear at the High court in London after being accused of high treason by a snot-nosed, wannabe aristocrat, and EU hater called, Jacob-Rees Mogg! Who earns even more hypocritical euro millions by investing them in EU tax-havens; Luxembourg and Lichtenstein!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: jellyfish, Swimmer, Dover




Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
54 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more