Written by Jaggedone

Wednesday, 9 May 2018

image for Glaswegian police search for massive lost python with magnifying glass
Frightened guinea pigs have been warned to stay indoors until the massive Burmese python is caught!

Shock, horror in Glasgow, as a super-huge Burmese python goes on the run (slither, surely?) after breaking out of a tiny flat in the Gorbals area.

Schools, mums and dads, were issued warnings through huge megaphones for their wee kiddies to stay indoors just in case the ravenous python decided to hunt for his dinner. Scottish children are viewed as a delicacy in the reptilian world, prized for their greasy, sweet skin and high alcohol content.

After hours and days of searching, with magnifying glasses, the massive snake could not be seen, or heard hissing anywhere. However, a sober (rare breed in Scotland), ex-alcoholic, gold-fish bowl owner in the area swore he could hear hissing noises approaching his beloved goldfish, so he downed a bottle of whisky or two, and then called the 'Old Bill'. They rushed to his flat only to find a slow puncture on his decrepit bike!

Police and local councillors has now declared the city a biological hazard zone until the thing is caught. This came as a shock to local residents who believed the area had been declared as such since 1992, owing to high levels of alcoholics, tramps, homeless kids, and illegal immigrants.

More as we 'HISS' it!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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