Diners at a respectable fish restaurant, expecting a 'haute cuisine' plate of their favorite meal, fish and chips, got a rude surprise as fanatical vegans rushed in and, whipped the fish off their plates! They replaced prime Dover Sole, Cod and Halibut with soggy potato chips, wrapped in filthy newspaper, and stinking of vile vinegar, shock, horror!
Many of the posh diners fainted at the stench of vinegar soaked chips wrapped in the Daily Star, "how vulgar, I prefer The Times" claimed one punter, as she puked on her bone-china plate!
The restaurant owner, Pete Pilchard, (name changed for political reasons), told Jaggedone's fish and chips star CIA reporter (Cockroach Infiltration Army), Pussy Sprat-Fishbone, who was also dining at the back on scraps, thrown out the back door by Polish dishwashers, how terrible veganism had become:
"They attack us regularly, paint slogans like 'Fish feel pain' on our sign, send their hungry cats in the kitchen to scrounge for morsels, and then tell health inspectors we keep cats in the kitchen; well someone has to catch the rats! They have even hi-jacked our fish supplier by puncturing his tyres with sharks teeth! This vegan wave of violence will end up in a catastrophe and I wonder what the hell they eat to make them so radical? Can't be pigs blood, can it?!"
A fanatic vegan patrolling outside the restaurant refused to give Pussy Sprat-Fishbone an interview on the grounds that she stunk of fish, but if she dressed as a turnip he possibly would change his mind and explain to the world why vegans are such fucking morons!