Back and to the Left news has today teamed up with the Daily Mail to bring you the top five surprising signs you definitely have cancer:
1. Being a “reomoaner”: Does the fact that the glorious new dawn of Brexit cause you to complain and bleat like a bleeding heart liberal? Does your weak mind yearn for the return of power to Brussels? You’ve clearly got brain cancer
2. Empathy towards refugees: Do you feel a pang of guilt every time you see a boat load of struggling human refuse trying to cross a wide expanse of ocean? Wrong that’s not guilt that’s the prang of cancer. Cancer of the soul
3. Not loving the royals enough: If you aren’t laying your own life down so they can walk across you like the living gods they are then you’ve probably got cancer of the patriot.
4. Not bursting into tears whenever you see the Union Jack: Are tears not flowing freely across your face whenever you see our flag? Are you a traitor? Or do you have tear duct cancer?
5. Agreeing with Jeremy Corbyn on any matter: After demonstrating such inexcusable behaviour it is the Mails esteemed opinion you will be suffering from cancer of the morality.
More as we get it.