Written by Jaggedone

Friday, 12 January 2018

image for Frozen black pudding saves lives! Vegans are horrified!
Vegans would prefer a frozen version of this, at least it's not been hung-drawn and quartered!

A UK butcher stuck in his freezer after a wicked draught blew through his shop and slammed the freezer door shut, used the only thing possible to save his life; frozen Black Pudding!

Yes! Life-saving bloody black puddings are now being installed in all butcher's freezers to make sure such a deadly scenario does not repeat itself! Black-Pudding installers are visiting all butcher shops with their special "battering-ram version" which is being kept in glass containers hung on walls, and only to be used in emergencies, not to be flogged!

The butcher whose life was saved by a bloody black pudding, Chris McScab (name changed to make you puke!) is happy that he had a frozen black pudding left because they sell like "hot cakes" normally, not "frozen cakes!" Now he has patented his black pudding saviour and butchers all over the UK are investing in this latest hi-tec safety device before they become stiff victims; and banging frozen bangers against a freezer door lock is futile!

Vegans are horrified at this latest bloody attempt to market disgusting black pudding! They feel a frozen corn-on-the cob would do the job just as well and have asked Bayer/Monsanto to produce a "giant GMO version" instead of the filled with frozen pigs-blood version, a choice of two human evils they say!

PS: This spoof has no racial undertones because of the description of this potentially life-saving apparatus (you know what I mean)!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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