Written by Ben Macnair

Thursday, 4 January 2018

image for Depressed Mould Experiences Back-To-Work Blues
Gary Johnson, left, in happier days.

Gary Johnson, a blue and green mould has been depressed for a few days now, after being viciously washed off a mug.

The germ form told us 'I had it on easy street, growing on a white mug, with plenty of sour milk in it, I was there for a couple of weeks, growing and developing nicely, a few friends were growing around me, we were having fun, and then with no notice, we are moved to another room, viciously dunked in boiling hot water, and bubbles, the last thing I remember was seeing a massive brush, scraping away at me, removing me limb from limb'.

Also depressed was Louise Gledhill, a bottle of milk that had been left out for more than a week. She said 'There I was, safely developing some lumps, when my top was removed, and my beloved milk was poured out. I was completely gutted, let me tell you that for nothing'.

Tales like this will be happening in offices all over the country, as they realise that Gladys, who was the last one to leave the office on December 22nd forgot to do the washing up, and pour the milk away. Nobody ever says anything though, because they are all secretly scared of Gladys.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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