Written by Backandtotheleft

Thursday, 4 August 2016

The unthinkable has happened to our fair island and we're not talking about the three consecutive days of sun we've had. The UK has cut the interest rates to 0.25% we hit the streets and asked "normal" people what they thought about the cuts.

Mike Random said: Well it's a shame. I try and show some interest but if it's been cut to 0.25%...well I don't think I'll bother.

Joan Gildford came out with: Not interested. Sorry.

And flag waving, Sun reading Derrick Smith vomited out: It's
immigrants! We need to take back our borders. Raise interest...(He stopped to sing the national anthem).....raise interest and send em all back to Islamaland.

We weren't sure what he was getting at but he seemed fairly passionate about it so we let it go. He also knew every word to the second verse of the national anthem so he should be placed in a position of authority.

The local spokesman for the Bank Of England Joe Gunt gave a quick statement before climbing into his bullet proof car:

People are worried about the interest rate cuts but they shouldn't. Lot's of things that are cut still remain awesome. Low cut tops, ham, cardboard cut-outs of popular TV personalities. I think we can all agree that these things are great. Thank you for your time.

Before he could scarper we fired off a question

So who's really affected by the cut?

He stopped.

Let's be realistic here. You live in a world governed by a monetary system that is essentially just a bunch of numbers on a screen. We don't know how it works, you don't know how it works, no-one really knows how it fucking works. All we do is it only works if you believe it works....

Like fairies?

Pretty much. If we don't all believe in the system it will fall down and we'll have to take your houses from you so we can carry on living in the lifestyle your never ending belief has got us into.

Before we could say anything he threw two smoke pellets at the ground and vanished.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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