America's first lady announced at a White House press conference today:
"In these tough times we can't have forty percent of the population flushing unnecessary vital resources down the toilet!
"It's a waste of much needed food and energy and toilet paper!
"We could eliminate 78 million acres of deforestation - which will help fight global warming!
"Every time a fat person takes an unecessary dump - it adds to to our carbon related problems - eating too much and shitting too much is NOT green - it's brown!"
She continued (did she stop?): "And - fat folks do more drugs and drink more alcohol - and commit more crimes - and raise fat kids - and overwhelm the health care system with all kinds of obesity related diseases, both physical and mental in nature.
"I am asking Congress to increase taxes - incrementally by weight - on ALL obese Americans with a Body Mass Index (BMI) over 130.
"We will then give the additional tax income to non-fat - middle class homeowners." who are in trouble with their mortgages."
Candy Crowley of CNN news (who would certainly get a huge tax increase under his plan) asked her if she would be exempt from the "Fat Tax?"
Mrs. Obama said; "I am not FAT! My ass is a natural aesthetic attribute that qualifies as an exemption - along with my large - but perfectly proportional breasts."
She then laughed and told Candy; "Unfortunately I don't think you will qualify as an exception with THAT barn door you are carrying around behind ya - heh! heh! Oh and neither will Anne Romney that's for sure."
(The press corps really cracked up at that point.)
"Oh - and don't think Hillary Clinton is going to get any special consideration - it's either pay your taxes - or curb your shitting!"
"What a cool bumper sticker - and ad campaign" - concluded Obama.