UK's pensioners spending billions on on-line gambling and pornography says Age Matters

Funny story written by LEDHEAD

Tuesday, 7 April 2015


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Pensioner Siegfried Chorley - internet porn addict at 87.

Pensioners from all over the UK are admitting their addiction to internet pornography and on-line gambling. A spokesman for Age Matters, said their call centre in Swansea is receiving upwards of 15,000 calls per day from old folk whose problems are out of control. Myra Mingley, Manager for the charity says that the more familiar old folk become with their computers, the more likely they are to get involved with the vices found on the web.

We were put in touch with Sigfried Chorley (87) who spends a massive 23 hours on line every day and has amassed a debt totalling £70,000. Unfortunately, Siegfried' s problem is not uncommon and there are thousands of others just like him struggling to get by on a State pension.

'I got myself a nice quad processor laptop from my sister Dolly last Christmas. I was always keen on naked ladies and found myself oggling at these X rated porn sites. I was amazed at how much had changed since my hay day in the sixties - ladies shaving, being interested in sex, being on top and doing things I never knew we're possible. Before I knew where I was, I found myself chatting to naked ladies on their webcams and running up rather large credit card balances', said Siegfried. 'I was a bit lonely and they were good company for the most'.

Ms Orla Chantelle is another pensioner in her 80's who has run up an unimaginable debt of £73,560 on her credit card. She finds herself on-line at least 19 hours a day and loves playing poker, doing the slots and bingo.

'I have no luck at the Bingo at all. I once won £250,000 but blew it in the first week. Poker's just as bad. I'm not very good at the rules and seldom win a penny.', said Orla.

Ms Chantelle is housebound and sits in her wheelchair peering aimlessly at her computer monitor hoping that somehow her luck will change. She is now at the stage where her complete pension disappears into paying of her debts. She is surviving on beans on toast.

David Cameron says his government has no intention in changing the rules about on-line gambling or pornography and that there were always warnings about betting responsibly and well publicised information available about dangers of pornography.

The current debt accrued by the over 65's relating to porn and gambling is estimated to be worth a cool 72 billion pounds.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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