BBC stunned by ITV move

Written by James Wallin

Wednesday, 29 November 2006

image for BBC stunned by ITV move
BBC employees barred entrance by ITV staff claiming squatters' rights

BBC executives were left "stunned", "flabbergasted" and "gob-smacked" by this morning's surprise move by rival company ITV, who transferred their entire company into the BBC headquarters overnight.

Bemused BBC employees were barred entrance from their own building by ITV staff who are claiming squatters' rights.

This stunning coup by the commercial broadcaster comes after weeks of secret meetings with caretaker Michael Grade, who is believed to have left the back door to White City open and even shown ITV execs where the best biscuits were kept.

BBC heads of department released a statement from their new base, on the pavement outside, complaining that ITV staff had acted illegally, immorally and were "bastards".

Staff of the commercial channel, meanwhile, were seen hanging out of the windows reading aloud from next weeks EastEnders scripts, playing extreme Frisbee with original reels of Kenneth Clark's classic "Civilisation" and performing lewd acts on Ed the Duck.

New executive caretaker of ITV, Mr Grade, remarked "Reports that I did this for purely financial reasons are entirely false. It was also enormous fun".

For the record, in next week's EastEnders Billy Mitchell finds out he is his own mother, Pat converts to Islam and that mouthy one on the clothes stall falls in love with a spoon.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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