Poor old Garry Glitter is sadly selling the house he recently purchased in Rotherham, mainly to pay for his prison comforts. In one of his last interviews in 2014, Garry stated he was going to retire to Rotherham and pursue his life long passion of butterfly hunting to add to his already extensive collection of the exquisite creatures. He was due to move in last week, but an unsympathetic judge decided otherwise - small consolation for the Rotherham butterfly population.
Garry also stated his interest in becoming a scoutmaster. He reckoned he had a lot to teach the boys about butterfly hunting out in the woods. He would have enjoyed teaching them special mounting techniques to catalogue their collections. How to pin them down without causing the creatures undue pain or distress. On the plus side, the rapid price rise of houses in the area is giving him a handsome profit. Garry also said he would forgive those nasty people who told such awful lies about him.
The ministry of tourism believes the sudden popularity of Rotherham is linked to the councils publicity drive, and their brilliant slogan. Much Cheaper than Thailand. The tourism minister is urging other towns to follow the splendid Rotherham example.
Any such rise in popularity is to be applauded, said an opposition spokesman. We give the bastards enough in foreign aid, so we deserve the occasional decent return.
Greasyjet is also cashing in on the business by setting up a special series of cheap return flights from Thailand called The Lady-jet Service, to keep the ladyboys happy when they fly in for weekend jaunts to make up for loss of earnings back home.
The twenty two applications for new massage parlours in the town centre will be dealt with as quickly as possible, said a Rotherham council spokesman. As a further inducement for new business investments in the town, all new businesses set up within the next three months will receive generous rate reductions for the first five years.
Layabout leader Red Ed Milliband applauded the councils initiative, saying the country needs more people of the same stuff. He also hinted at a new much needed Marxist library for the town, should he be elected to power.
Just as Douglas Macarthur said when forced out of the Philippines, Garry proudly stated. I shall return. So all butterflies beware.
