Kent - A British far-tight party has swept to orifice in a K*nt by-election won by some turncoat ex-Tory twat.
Mark Feckless, 69, won the Rochester and Screwed by-election by 2,920 votes after coming second in a previous Pole. Uh, poll.
UK Prime Monster David Cameron reacted swiftly by rubbishing the result over a bottle or three of scotch.
"Flash in the pan Johnny come lately," Cameron spluttered, "wants a damn good rogering at the Thatcher Memorial Winter Ball."
News of the by-election win soon swept Westminster Palace where Feckless returned to take his cross bencher seat in the Gents Lavatorium, a Speaker Bercow folly run along Colditz lines.
In the House Feckless will sit somewhere left of Scottish Nationalists and right behind Ulster Unionists on a makeshift seat above a searing red hot central heating radiator dubbed Sam Cam's Twat.
Former government backbencher colleagues fully expect the renegade ex-colleague to make an ass of himself during next week's Maiden Speech.
Sally Bercow's knickers are another matter.
