Written by Matt Brown

Saturday, 8 February 2014

image for Random Questions to Strangers Outlawed
''Yea there! Thou makest me blush''

In a bid to curb unnecessary discomfort, bewilderment and mild irritation a nationwide ban has been placed on all situations where a person may need to ask one or more strangers a basic question. The ban is expected to run for six months.

Questions like "Are you alright mate?", "Got the time?" and "Do you know where so and so is?", have all been exiled in favour of not being a lazy git and finding these things out yourself.

Some people have questioned the merits of the measure, but greying, balding pot bellied shirt and tie said 'But what happens if they haven't got the time? They don't want to risk saying no and looking like they have never looked at a clock before. They could come over slightly queer and perhaps they may have forgotten the answer to such straightforward questions, this is why I am enforcing this ban'.

So we conducted a survey to find out what were the most annoying, mind-numbing or infuriating questions you could be asked on any given day. Here are the results.

Whilst waiting at the bus stop 'how long have you been here?'

Whilst idly minding your own business in a clothing establishment: 'Do you work here'? Do you have these in a size 8?'

When not knowing a thing about football: 'What scores' the football mate' sometimes followed by 'can I lend 20p mate'.

When crossing the street: Have you got a light mate'?

If the ban proves to be a success then the Government plans to roll it out over the entire country for the next ten years. Dave Backgammon also said he is drawing up a similar proposal for the USA.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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