Matt Gaetz doesn’t look like a thumb, he looks like a shoe. But I hate deriding a man for his looks when his personality is so odious. Matt tried a little stand-up comedy at the latest American Nazi party rally (or however they’ve re-branded thems…
Peter has lost his hands and needs help finding them! He has offered some thing or another for the return of the hands but we don't know for sure because the reward notice he's been sticking to lampposts with his head are completely indecipherable. T...
Earnest Horn (man) went swimming in his local swimming baths in June 2010 for no real raisin. Most people would think that four years is just too long to be swimming in the pool but he said that 'Oh no that's fine'' and today was the perfect time for...
Imagine walking through town. You have a beard. The beard sits on your face. You realise this and so turn to look into a shoppe window hoping to catch a glimpse of you with your beard. There it is you think, still there. Anyway after this you turn a corner (as corners are notoriously difficult to navigate if one keeps walking in the same direction) and all of a sudden you are confronted with a her...
In a bid to curb unnecessary discomfort, bewilderment and mild irritation a nationwide ban has been placed on all situations where a person may need to ask one or more strangers a basic question. The ban is expected to run for six months. Question...
Ordinary normally working everyday working-man Dave Marx has become the sensation of 2014 after sawing his legs off and then penning his very own ode to agony. It is thought Dave saw an episode of Jeremy Kyle and felt sorry for all those poor people who were forced to live lives with varying handicaps. He decided the only thing for it was to saw both of his legs off and then make a song about it t...
Tonight's World Heavyweight Championship bout between Eugene 'Swarfega hands' Smalls and Louis 'The Lepor' Trunks ended in farce as Smalls attempted to strum the tune to 'The Ballad of Richard Nixon' by John Denver and Trunks began some kind of upsid...
Bad news is set to hit everyone this week as large swathes of armed robbery, parliamentary fraud and not to mention the worst weather since records began are due in the UK. It is predicted to be worse than the last time absolutely nothing at all hap...
Angry scenes at A&E tonight as a man and woman, Barry Nutsafe and Dawn Moulds are having a 'pain-off', just to see which is more painful. Being kicked in the privates or childbirth. We have an audience including staff having fag breaks, peopl...
Attempting to try top ten tempting things 1. Pedal backwards on a bicycle, go on try it, but mind the river. 2. Washing all of the dust from the cupboards of old mother hubbard. 3. Play hide and seek on an extremely small boat. 4. Rock climbing a donkey. 5. Make a lists. 6. Watch the trailer of 1953 romantic drama movie 'the earrings of Madame de' 57 times and then attempt to fi...
Eighties new wave band 'A flock of seagulls' have today been bailed pending further investigation after it was reported they had swarmed and beaten down an OAP on Brighton pier last October. The band, fronted by a man who's hair looks like a set...
World renowned food critic 'just one more' Larry Le Cellar-door last night shocked attendees at the '7even' restaurant a la 'fit to bursting' pub, aka 'tramp-shed', Chiswick. Everyone at the table had just sat down for their meals when Mr. Cellar...
Worried parents and performing clowns have been seated watching news24 for the last 72 hours, biting eyebrows and clipping unwanted chattering teeth after somegirl, someplace, it was Alice but not their Alcie disspersed into the winds surrounding her...
Have you ever wondered about life doing a job which you are currently not doing? Well today we explore such a farfetched possibility and investigate the life of a travelling salesman. If you already are a travelling salesman then please do not read any further. We are looking for the truth only. Also if you are not a man then please put those scowls away and rest assured that we are thinking of yo...
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