Lady Thatcher will not be buried in the foreseeable future minister's claim.
Several noted undertakers have been contracted but have returned the body without explanation.
A countrywide search has been made to find a funeral service willing to take on the job.
The Spoof contacted local company, "Jones and Sons" to try and shed light on the dilemma.
We asked Managing Director Ivan Jones why he had refused to keep Lady Thatcher in his chapel.
"She won't shut up, goes on and on about the fucking economy and about the how she was right
To sack the miners then she starts telling us how to do our job, "Have you got me at the right temperature" she is a fucking nightmare, I have lost three good staff members".
A deaf crematorium worker from Catford has offered to do the job for a nominal fee.