Written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 6 February 2013

image for Lardarse Mayor 'behind borough's potholes' say outraged residents
Artist's impression

London - The grossly obese Mayor of an Inner City borough is being blamed for an outbreak of pavement potholes and highway sinkholes by fed up residents of Camden.

Their worries started when obesity poster-girl, 30-stone Heather Johnson, began sitting on the Healthy [sic] Community Partnerships scheme.

"She completely destroyed dozens of chairs," Somers Town slacker Rocco Faucett said today, "and left behind a massive imprint of her horrid 60-inch arse on the borough's mayoral limo. It's completely wrecked the car's suspension."

Johnson's corpulent frame is the subject of a tittering campaign among colleagues who have nicknamed her the Stay Puft Marshmallow Woman.

Last week an audit of collapsing Camden paving found a trail leading to Johnson's front door.

"Don't know what's worse, her backside or her face," Faucett added, "looks like she must have been farrowed in some sort of Trotsky-ite slag heap."

A Google Girth guide to Camden sinkholes has been removed from the borough's website.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Obesity, Camden

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