X-Factor warbler Jahmene Douglas has been appointed as Secretary of State for Defence by Prime Minister David Cameron in a surprise Christmas cabinet reshuffle.
Mr Douglas is thought to have impressed the Prime Minister at the annual Downing Street tree-lighting ceremony when Jahmene, James Arthur and that bloke from Liverpool sang Silent Night to the delight of the captive crowd.
A source revealed that Mr Cameron logically deduced that if Douglas could so severely over-embellish a song then he must surely have the capability to stretch the shoestring defence budget accordingly.
Mr Douglas was born and raised in Swindon and attended the local comprehensive school, St Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep's, before going on to study cheese and meats at his local Asda.
