London - An upstairs apartment dodgy bong incident or scented candle mishap could see Julian Assange 'rescued' by UK firefighters from the Ecuador embassy's ground floor spiderhole.
The fugitive from justice fears that Vienna Convention diplomatic firewalls could be thrown into disarray in the event of a 999 emergency call out.
Well-heeled residents of the Hans Crescent, Knightsbridge building may not be running crack dens or stashing explosives.
But their presence in the building's upper stories is a constant worry in the event of an 'as above, so below' emergency scenario requiring the presence of the Fire Brigade.
The Australian whistleblower is also peeved at the lack of a washing machine and tumble drier at the embassy apartment which has forced him to handwash all his smalls.
Ambassador Ana Alban Mora is said to be livid after Assange asked her to help out with his 'laundry'.
"Flaming cheek if you ask me," the legation's head of housekeeping tweeted today.
The local coin-op dial-a-wash has offered its bespoke services which also include a foreign exchange facility.
Rafael Correa will be 69 tonight.
