Sex, Lies and Inquiries...and Inquiries

Funny story written by Talking Tic-Tacs

Thursday, 5 July 2012


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Sultry Sandra. One of the verifying porn stars, with Lord Hutton's glasses on after a playful tryst.

An inquiry will be held into the banking scandal after an inquiry into whether or not an inquiry would be necessary found that an inquiry is necessary. The prime minister and Conservative party want a Parliament-led inquiry while Labour have enquired about having a Judicial inquiry.

There will be a vote in the house of privileged's to establish which type of inquiry will be used. It is unclear if the inquiry will take the shape of something similar to the judicial Hutton inquiry in 2003 and first Leveson inquiry, or even the second Leveson inquiry. The alternative to having a puppeteered yes man to take control of the inquiry, is for politicians to take control of the inquiry themselves.

Many had doubted the extent of Lord Hutton and Lord Leveson's supposed impartiality and even authority, until they saw that both men were clearly renegades and wore glasses. In fact it was only last month when a protester passed security and unlawfully entered the Leveson inquiry aiming insults at Tony Blair. Leveson immediately, and fearlessly, ordered an inquiry into why this man had got into the inquiry.

The Hutton inquiry was centred on the Iraq war and a dossier of sex. Many late night porn stars were called to the inquiry to verify if the dossier was in fact sexy. Alistair Campbell and Peter Mandelson were frequently seen meeting Hugh Hefner and, despite their claims to the contrary, records have since shown that they did contact Ron Jeremy. The minutes of the meetings about the dossier of sex reveal that recommendations, on a projecter screen, about going to war were accompanied by sexual visuals, on the floor.

Blair, Campbell and Mandelson's briefings of their party whilst Ron Jeremy was drilling Harriet Harman was enough for both Clare Short and Robin Cook to resign. Both were gung-ho about going to war, but are shy in the bedroom. It is believed the Porn industry held an inquiry of their own into the gratuitous cavorting with British politicians - the Lord Lovin' Luscious Lips inquiry.

Ron Jeremy and Harriet Harman have since married and have twenty three children.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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