Horley Horror: Man's Face Stayed That Way When The Wind Changed

Funny story written by Patti Cake

Sunday, 1 July 2012


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Tragic Geoffrey Mann

Horley man, Mr Mann left his family and friends shocked and distraught on Wednesday when according to his wife he was in the garden demonstrating to the kids the traditional Maori "haka" when the wind suddenly changed and his face got stuck.

Our reporter went to get the full tragic story from his wife Martha who is an "agony aunt" for a local rag. She found Martha at her desk surrounded by stationery and trying to put up a brave front.

"You know that expression where your Nan, not the one with the pillowy breasts and rosy cheeked smile who sneaked you sweets even if you didn't eat your greens but the other one called 'grandmother', with a face like a smacked arse and beady eyes in the back of her head, who when you pulled a rude face at her warned "If the wind changes you will stay that way" Martha opined "Well, that seems to have happened to my poor Geoffrey"

She continued "We've got an appointment with the specialist but he can't see him for another 3 months and we've got a funeral to attend next week - he can't go looking like that. Also poor Geoff is a food taster by trade and he's had to be signed off".

As she was relating the sorry tale Geoff appeared and greeted our reporter with a pitiful Ah-Ah-Ah sound. He felt his way to the fridge and helped himself to some baby food which is all he can manage at the moment.

"On the plus side" said Martha "Our sex life has perked up a bit and as I handwrite all my replies to the public he comes in very handy"

"In what way?" our reporter asked.

"Come here Geoff" Martha commanded to which Geoff obediently shuffled over to his wife who promptly proceeded to rub the adhesive side of a sheet of stamps over his tongue.

We wish the Manns well.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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