Queen's Jubilee Hat Fashions Turn Edible

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 5 June 2012

image for Queen's Jubilee Hat Fashions Turn Edible
"It was a very tasty bacon hat, I must say. Best with a thin tomato and mayonaise"

Never squandering an opportunity to compete against each other in the world of high fashion, several women from the extended Royal Family and other distinguished guests are wearing edible hats for the Queen's Jubilee.

One daring creation was a proud testament to the British Pork industry with a unique design made entirely of crisp bacon. Princess Beatrice of York is rumored to have purchased the crunchy delight, whist her sister Eugenie is reported to have secured a wispy chapeau made from cotton candy.

"Neither is a good choice in the rain", cautions Jubilee Events Coordinator and former Sergeant Major, Timothy Wadsworthington-Fexnord. "Drippy bacon grease on her fine silk gown will never launder out, and rain water on cotton candy? Sweet Jiminy Cricket".

Others ignored the risk as well, as local hat shops rushed to find edible options for their high society customers. ""Yes, well we quickly sold out of our fruit bowl designs. The strawberries were quite fresh actually", says Myron Hencken of the London Brim hat shop. "And if any of those skinny girls get hungry, snacks are at the ready".

"Bad form", says Wadsworthington-Fexnord. "The recent royal wedding hats were ridiculous enough, but these jubilee examples were simply a terrible idea". During the Thames River boat pageant over the weekend, several of the Queen's guards were forced to shoot at seagulls after they began dive bombing the edible headwear. "We told the Queen that the unscheduled shotgun blasts were in salute to her memorable 60 years on the throne".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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