The Government, feeling bruised by the two finger salute from those members of the electorate wanting to vote at all, have devised a plan which is widely regarded by the inner circle as a winner.
The three pronged revival plan has three prongs:
1. The Olympic Games
2. The Queen's Diamond Jubilee
3. The appointment of a new special assistant to David Cameron.
An announcement from the double act of Cameron & Clegg trumpeted the Olympic Games as a prime example of the Government's appeal to the voters. 'Our approval of this amazing event' chimed Cameron 'has gone down well in Opinion Polls and shows we are not just supporters of the Eton Wall Game.'
The Diamond Jubilee is also seen as a vote winner. 'The Queen has always shown that we are a Top Nation and it follows that to celebrate her is to celebrate the natural rulers' said Cameron.
The appointment of Cameron's new Special Assistant has been a well kept secret and it is seen to be the key to opening up the Tabloid Press to his charms. Rebekah Brooks had been a front runner until she revealed her love affair with David, but an even better candidate is to be appointed.
We have exclusive knowledge, leaked from the rear door of No 10 that Jeremy Clarkson is to be taken on for the job.
'He has the common touch' said Cameron 'and should improve our ratings with women.'
The Government believes their new formula brand will sell well.