Households across Britain have been warned of the imminent dangers presented to their well-being following the disconcerting revelation they were never more than 6 feet away from a fully formed Tory.
The unfathomably populous homo-sapien Torius-rattus of right-wing persuasion, first noted in the 1600's, is widely considered to be the single biggest threat to the survival of struggling working class families across the country since the bubonic plague.
Environmentalist, Mary Trout, believes the re-emergence of the specie, which came close to extinction in 1997 before undergoing a period of conservation during an extended spell in the political wilderness, suggests a strengthening in its resolve to disippate the core values of the nation it currently holds in its thrall.
She told an audience of biologists, 'The uncontrollable spread of the Tory now represents a very real and present danger to householders up and down the land.'
'Be it affecting a home owner's ability to keep themselves warm or fed by swarming all over them to deprive them of more and more cash through budgets carefully choreographed to look like they are actually doing more for them.'
'They have even taken to increasing the cost of the cheap alcohol that has been keeping these poor people sane.'
Ms Trout was compelled to warn that no amount of trap or poison laying could expel the troublesome vermin.
'There is only one known method of pest control.'
'The ballot box.'
