Zimbabwe ATMs to be brought into the UK

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

image for Zimbabwe ATMs to be brought into the UK
The slots have to be bigger too, to allow thousands of notes to come out.

With the economic downturn in the UK expected to require quantitative easing, which is in effect, printing more money, cash machines, or ATMs, are to be brought in from Zimbabwe to help the British monetary system cope.

"When we print more money," said George Osborne, Chancellor of the Exchequer, "inflation goes up. When inflation goes up, money is worth less. Not worthless, we're not there yet, but has less worth."

This is what happened in Zimbabwe, or as the locals call it: Zimbabwe.

"We're hopeful that it won't happen in the UK," said Osborne. "We have safeguards. I'm not sure where I left them, but we have them."

Just to be on the safe side, ATMs from Zimbabwe have been purchased.

"British ATMs don't have enough storage or the ability to display zeroes in them," said Osborne. "If we get a catastrophic negative feedback loop in the economy that does cause runaway inflation, then people will still be able to withdraw cash."

Zimbabwean cash machines are able to hold five hundred thousand high denomination notes. Current UK machines only hold about three thousand, when full. And that's a rarity. Additionally, the spaces allowed for putting in the amount 'other' can only take three numbers.

"The 'other' amount on a Zimbabwean ATM," said Osborne, "doesn't have a limit. There's no point, in a couple of weeks they'd all need changing."

According to Osborne, there is no need to panic.

"There's nothing to worry about," said Osborne. "As I said, this is just a precaution. I'm pretty sure the safeguards we have in place to prevent it will work. Of course, we've never had to try them before..."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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