Charity Hate Campaigner Faces Trial Over Takeaway Waste

Funny story written by Nick Hobbs

Saturday, 4 February 2012

A Sussex man has told of his torture at the hands of a local charity organisation.

Steve Dobbs, 37, was hounded out of his house and home by the hate campaign instigated by the Sussex 'Food For The Poor' charity.

Dobbs had returned home from a Friday night drinking session at his local pub, The Monkey And Drum, and drunkenly ordered an Indian takeaway meal.

Upon delivery, Dobbs ate a few mouthful's and promptly fell asleep. When he awoke in the morning he was faced with a congealed mess, which he hazily scraped in to his recycling bin.

Not thinking any more of it, he was stunned when two days later a note was pushed through his door, stating 'we know what you've done', made from the cut out letters of various newspaper headlines.

Another day passed, and a second note was posted, simply stating 'watch your back'.

Unable to understand who should want to threaten him, Dobbs passed the notes on to his local police, but they were unable to help, due to the lack of identifying evidence.

Things took a turn for the worse when during a routine maintenance check, he discovered that his brakes had been tampered with on his work van, and someone also smeared dog mess over his garden shed.

Over the next two weeks the hate campaign was ramped up. His children's pet rabbits were spray painted gold, his tyres were constantly let down and his house was daubed with graffiti, saying things like 'waster', 'pig' and 'glutton'.

When his van was stolen and his shed was burnt to the ground, Dobbs decided to flee the village he was born and raised in, to protect himself and his family.

Police set up a trap to lure the antagonist in, and on Thursday night the trap was sprung. They caught Darnell Parsons, head of the local food gathering charity.

Parsons told police that Dobbs' actions were 'abhorrent' and 'amazingly inconsiderate' and that he was proud of what he'd put him through and he deserved it all.

"He told us that food waste is a crime," said Detective Inspector Hasselbeck "and that Mr Dobbs should feel ashamed of wasting that food when there are poor and starving families across the world, who would cry out for it!"

Parsons is expected to face trial next week, Mr Dobbs has moved back in to house, but vows never to waste a takeaway again.

"To think a congealed Korma nearly cost me my life," he said "frightening!"

The rabbits are due to be paint stripped on Friday.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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