Written by Skoob1999

Wednesday, 28 December 2011

image for NHS Direct Report Slight Increase In Flu Cases, Countered By Massive Drop In Man-Flu
That Eighteenth Can Of Stella Did For Me - I Think I'll Throw A Sicky Love

It hasn't been quite as bad as the pessimists predicted, in that there has been no influenza pandemic so far, with cases on a par with the seasonal average. However, there has been a dramatic decline in Man-Flu cases since people finished work for the Christmas/New Year holidays.

Officials were encouraged by the flu results, and attributed the levelling off of cases to a mild winter, and the widespread availability of the flu vaccine.

The dramatic decline in Man-Flu cases has been attributed to the fact that most people get Man-Flu - which invariably prevents them from going to work - following bouts of heavy drinking, recreational drug abuse, frenzied all-night coupling, or staying up late watching TV (Usually of the adult variety.) and being incapable of getting out of bed the following morning.

Experts opined that not having to go to work meant that patients had a few extra hours of recovery time, and were able to function normally after a nice lie in.

"The results make interesting reading," Professor Jacob Cracker of Hull University told reporters. "Man-Flu is a terrible thing, and it leaves us with some tough calls to make. I believe that we could eradicate Man-Flu absolutely, but that would mean abolishing all forms of work. The stats prove that. But I'm afraid as long as work prevails, Man-Flu will rear its ugly head once people return to work after the seasonal break. And start throwing sickies because they're hung over, strung out, shagged out, masturbated into oblivion, or they've been travelling half the night after watching their favourite football team play midweek away games. It's just something we're going to have to learn to live with. Like X-Factor, Katie Price, Manchester City, Jehovah's Witnesses and Miley Cyrus's big gob."

More as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Health, sick

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