Nine Out Of Ten Brits Are 'Sick To Effin Death Of Turkey'

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Tuesday, 27 December 2011

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It's Not What It Looks Like - It's Fucking Turkey Again!

It happens every year. Millions of Brits eagerly anticipate the Christmas festivities, and the traditional Christmas dinner of a turkey roast with all the trimmings, only to find themselves completely disillusioned with the whole concept of turkey within a couple of days.

Turkeys are huge birds, almost as big as elephants, and they take a heck of a lot of eating. It follows that the culinary savvy British public, after initially enjoying the roast turkey feast, have to utilise the creative culinary approach, in order to find innovative ways of disposing of approximately three tons of cooked meat, before it starts to stink the house out.

Cold turkey with mashed potatoes and a pickle assortment is a popular choice, as is turkey curry, turkey kebabs, turkey sandwiches, turkey fajitas, turkey burgers in breadcrumbs served on a sesame seed bap with mayo and chilli tomato sauce, turkey salad, turkey mixed up with grit, and turkey served in pan fried slices of bicycle inner tubes.

But it all gets a bit much after a bit for most Brits.

"I'm fucking sick of turkey," local man, Martin Shuttlecock, a debonair, suave, sophisticated and urbane man of letters told reporters. "They weigh a ton and a half, you have to hit the bastard things repeatedly with a cricket bat to get them in the oven, and you end up eating them for a month. At least. I'm going to bury ours in the back garden. Underneath the dead gazebo. Then I'm off up the chippy. Bollocks to turkeys."

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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