Written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 13 December 2011

image for Thames 'Nessie' lurks outside 2012 Stadium
Fears for London 2012 Triathlon swimmers and the Queen's Diamond Jubilee Barge sail-past

London - "Maybe it's escaped from the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain," is how one wildlife expert assessed the situation this morning.

Wildlife shots of the mystery beastie - definitely not doctored by the BBC or David Attenborough - show a Loch Ness type of 'monster' snaffling up a Canada goose as it skimmed the Thames outside the Olympic Stadium.

Early reports also blamed a stray alligator, a giant pike, a rogue turtle or even an out-of-control 'python'.

But whatever it is its presence is causing havoc for organisers of the 2012 Triathlon whose swimmers could now be re-routed from that stretch of the river to calmer, less-infestated London waters.

News of the sighting is also ominous for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee Thames Pageant which will feature a souped-up royal barge for HM and Philip.

Last night there were reports of a hysteria at Buckingham Palace after somebody told the Queen her boat 'could be sucked up by a giant freshwater squid'.

Fortunately a Royal Navy submarine armed with Stingray torpedoes will now be dispatched on a search-and-destroy mission.

Prince William may assist in his RAF chopper in case the operation somehow goes belly-up.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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