A crowd gathered by the banks of the river Thames to watch vet Geoff Calamari as he euthanised a minke whale which had mistakenly swum up the corpse-strewn river. "It were tragic," said the 46 year old restaurateur, who trained in veterinarian col…
HELL-UPON-THAMES - Following in the footsteps of Staines, which recently re-named itself Staines-upon-Thames, Satan has declared that he will re-name Hell Hell-upon-Thames, as part of a £60 million publicity campaign to increase tourism to the region...
In a move of breathtaking brilliance, the Community Secretary Eric Pickles today put down his pie and announced the initiative to save the Thames Valley from further flood damage. 'The Environment Agency will henceforth direct their hoses down the...
Windsor, Berks - An oil leak close to a newly installed River Thames hydro power turbine near Windsor Castle has been blamed by Amazonbotch supporters on US super major Chevron. Thousands of gallons of sweet light crude have been reported gushing...
London - "Maybe it's escaped from the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain," is how one wildlife expert assessed the situation this morning. Wildlife shots of the mystery beastie - definitely not doctored by the BBC or David Attenborough - show a Loc...
The winner of the 2.30 at Sandown Park went celebrating after his victory, upending his jockey and galloping off towards the River Thames for a much needed drink. He was found by a pensioner wandering near the river who contacted the Police: 'Ther...
A shoal of deadly Amazon Piranhas attacked a Thames tug in broad daylight today and after gnawing at her bottom for 5 minutes, she sunk without trace. Experts were called in to investigate the incident and nobody seems to know where these dastardl...
David Walliams, better known as the gay assistant to a gay British Prime Minister, amongst other gay roles, has really been swallowing some "crap". Outside of his day job, David does some marvellous charity work, riding bikes from John o Groats to...
London - Sports enthusiast reckon it's set to become the most popular subterranean whitewater freestyle kayaking/waterboarding site in all of Europe amid confirmation it dwarfs its surface counterpart from Boulters Lock at Maidenhead to Devil's Islan...
The Thames will be closed from next Tuesday for essential repairs, the River Authority announced today. Repairs will be carried out between the Thames Barrier and Kingston, with a 100% restriction on movements of water, boats, fish and sewage.
Bubbles the size of footballs were seen floating past the London Bridge by people on their way to work this morning. The aroma of Lilac filled the air. A Lorry carrying a full load of Royal Bubbly Brand bubble bath careened off the Marlow Bridg...
London mayor Boris Johnson has ordered the Thames river to be dredged to save money. The news comes after London Underground omitted the river from their new Tube maps. Originally, the mayor insisted new maps be printed up with the river includ...
The Health and Safety Executive has spoken - From next Tuesday, the River Thames will be turned off in preparation for filling it in to make allotments. The HSE was tasked by Lord Mangelson (Business Secretary and Minister With A Finger In Every P...
Today a pirate ship was sighted sailing up the River Thames. It is thought that "The Buggerall" is carrying a crew hellbent on destruction, all except Dr Vic who just wants to see sailors' bottoms. The crew are led by the notorious pirate Captain...
Gordon Brown has given permission for a site in the Thames Corridor to be added to those where it is planned to build new nuclear power stations. He stated that the advice from the International Radiological Protection Committee indicates that nuclea...
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