In yet another shock announcement it would appear that the UK is woefully short of around 11,000 security staff to oversee the forthcoming Olympic Games fiasco in 2012!
Upon hearing this shock announcement President Obama immediately summoned his henchmen for an emergency meeting.
In the wake of 9/11 and Presidential elections on the horizon, Obama expressed his 'concern' for the safety of all US athletes who will be attending the games. Based upon CIA Intelligence regarding the recent UK 'riots' it is quite apparent to the Americans that UK security generally, is about as effective as a chocolate soldier in in oven. Therefore, in yet another shock announcement it would seem that 500 plus FBI agents will also be attending the Olympic Games as a precautionary measure.
Meanwhile, part time PM, 'Do-nothing-Dave' has expressed his 'concerns' over the potential arrival of 500 plus heavily armed (?)FBI agents having had Teresa May's assurances that UK security, like our borders, is 101% safe! "Typical bloody yanks, always overkill" wailed Dave, "how many more times do I have to assure both the British public and our allies that the UK is a safe haven for everyone, including terrorists?"
However, news of President Obamas concerns have spread quickly around the globe and now other major countries are raising equal concerns for the safety of their athletes. In yet further shock announcements it appears that the Israeli Prime Minister is mobilising 1,000 Mossard in preparation to accompany all Israeli athletes to London. Not to be outdone, shortarse French President, Sarkozy, already generally pissed off with Do-nothing-Dave anyway, has informed the ministry of the interior that he wants 1,100 DRM intelligence staff sent to the UK during the games. The new Italian President, 'Super Mario' was heard to utter, "so, da little frog he wanna up da game eh" and has ordered 1,200 AISI operatives to polish their boots in readiness.
Thus, in the tradition of the European Song Contest, many other countries are submitting their own security including, Poland-1,500 AW, Russian Federation- 1,600 FSB and Spain- 1,700 CNI.
Meanwhile, with the security issue currently a hot topic many other worldwide destinations are gearing up including, Brazil- 1,800 DIS, and Australia- 2,000 ASIO combatants. Not to be outdone, New Zealand, which has no real security agency to speak of, due to the lack of population will be sending 20 Civil Servants disguised as sheep!
London Underground have raised concerns about overcrowding on all tube lines during the Olympic Games and have advised people to stay at home unless competing!
SKY TV News cougar Kay Burley cannot wait to get 'frisked' by the FBI!