Written by Dogooder Dave

Sunday, 22 January 2006

image for Shock Rent Boy Resignation - Admits to Affair with Mark Oaten MP
A handful of trouble for the R.S.B. & I.T.S

The dimly lit world of male prostitution was today exposed to the glaring searchlight of Her Majesty's Press as allegations have surfaced that one of its prominent members, has brought disgrace on the profession.

The rough and tumble trade of the male escort is most often associated with the high life. Its clientele including such men of note as, upstanding members of The House of Lords, gowned and bewigged gentlemen of the Judiciary, the colourful world of entertainment and occasionally penetrated by balding members from the lower ranks of The Royal Family, the business has a reputation to preserve.

Today's scandal will be extremely hard to take for the already fragile industry, exposing its plumbing of new depths with the revelation that one of its sort, has been cavorting with a Member of Parliament.

"I couldn't believe the sordid nature of this allegation" said Mr Takinacok Oopmaboom, leading spokesman for Rent Boy professional association, The Royal Society of Boys and Indigent Travelling Sailors (R.S.B. & I.T.S).

Formerly chair of the organisation's branch in Thailand, Takinacok Oopmaboom, poured himself a sweet sherry and continued "Associate members of R.S.B. & I.T.S are obliged, by our strict code of practice, to maintain certain standards and when I first heard some careless whispers relating to scum from the House of Commons, I went quite faint."

Pausing to lick his lips in anticipation of partaking of a stiff one "A Government Minister, or front bench spokesperson from Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition may have been acceptable but to hear that this involved someone from the lowly ranks of the Liberal Democratic party, I couldn't believe it and was determined to take a firm stand." Oopmaboom at this point swallowing hard and clearly in some distress at the job in hand of defending his fellow R.S.B. & I.T.S.

It is thought that urgent discussions took place up the back passages of the R.S.B. & I.T.S head offices, in a desperate effort to stem the flow of what some thought, may just be, a tissue of lies.

R.S.B. & I.T.S has worked rigorously at keeping a good length from the Liberal Democrats following its shaming in the 1970s. Their earlier coming together with the LIb Dems previous incarnation, saw them with stains on their trousers when linked with allegations involving then Liberal Party leader, Jeremy Thorpe and his friend, male model, Norman Scott.

"Over the last few years," continued Mr Oopmaboom, "we have been delighted to see the Lib Dems led by real men like Paddy Ashdown, with his renowned fondness for the ladies and laterally, the rugged Scotsman, Charles Kennedy well known for his manly ways."

"This current debacle has brought us to our knees." bemoaned a beleaguered Oopmaboom. "We have bent over backwards to try and accomodate our fallen member's indiscretion but we just can't afford a droop in membership at this moment in time."

"Our member's liaisons with his paramour, Mark Oaten, MP will do us no favours. Oaten has somewhat flaccidly, slipped up to the, even more obscure hole of his party's back benches. There is no way we will stoop so low as to have any sort of splashback from that yellow shower and we have instructed our member to fully withdraw with immediate effect."

It is thought that Mr Takinacok Oopmaboom's own position with R.S.B. & I.T.S may yet be on a sticky wicket. His stiff action against the offending member might however, save him from the ignominy of the last two disgraced holders of the position, William Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzwilliam who are believed to have retired to a cottage up Glen Phuchard in the wilds of Scotland.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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