Driving test pass rates up amid claims of dumbing down

Funny story written by MonkeyInTheBath

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

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Tractors are exempt for driving tests in case farmers get uppity

The Vehicle and Driver Licensing Agency (VDLA) have announced that pass rates for their driving licence exams are up to 98%. Pass rates have risen every year since 1970, which the agency claims are "an indication of its exceptional teaching of driving skills".

There is, however, evidence to suggest that the tests are becoming easier. Undercover reporter Roger Mesenseless applied for a driving test and inserted a corpse into the driving seat of the dual-control vehicle before the test began. The dead body passed the test with flying colours, and was even recommended for a job as a driving instructor.

Other indications that the test is becoming too easy are changes to the standard driving test. Previously, an examinee was required to read the number plate of a nearby vehicle. This was thought to be discriminatory against the dyslexic, so now the test is to say what colour the car is. The new test is also going to be scrapped because it discriminates against the colour blind and the stupid.

Elsewhere in the test, the three-point turn has been replaced with a zero-point turn at a roundabout. Reversing around a corner has been replaced with 'turning around and going around a corner'. Similarly, reverse parking has been replaced with 'turning around and parking'. Drivers are no longer penalising for hitting other cars on the road, or unfair obstructions as they are now called.

The VDLA rejects the claims of dumbing down, and says that the changes are simply a way of modernising the test to match the way in which modern drivers behave. For example, a new section tests the driver's ability to cope with road rage - the louder they can shout at their fellow drivers the better.

PM David Cameron welcomed the new pass rates. He said, "Statistically, Britain is the best country in the world, and these pass rates just prove it."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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