Why the Indianapolis Colts Will Not Go Undefeated

Funny story written by Jalapenoman

Saturday, 17 December 2005

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The Indianapolis Colts are trying to go undefeated for the first time.

The Indianapolis Colts are within three weeks of making NFL history by being the first professional American football team to go undefeated in a sixteen game season.

ESPN Football Analyst Bronco Bubba is an expert on the Colts and does not feel that they will win out. "I just don't think they've got the horses. They are not hungry enough. Sure, they put their jockstraps on one leg at a time like everyone else, but when it gets right down to the mud and the blood and the beer, their ducks just aren't all in a row. They haven't got their "mean" on. The Colts need to get out of the kitchen because they can't take the heat from the press or their fans."

Following are several reasons from Bronco Bubba why they will not be able to do this:

1. The Seattle Seahawks play them in Washington on week 15. Seattle has the second best record in football, has lost only three home games in the past three seasons, and is fighting for playoff position.

2. The Arizona Cardinals play in Indiana the last week of the season. The hapless Cards have a history of winning the last game of the season to keep opponents out of the playoffs.

3. The MIami Dolphin's players of their undefeated 1972 season (only 14 games) will all be praying heavily for the Colts to lose so that they can keep their record.

4. Peyton Manning is making too many really stupid television commercials. When the Chicago Bears released the Super Bowl Shuffle video, they lost to end their winning streak and finished 15-1. When Quarterback John Elway and others in Denver released their stupid television commercials, their 13 game win streak went bye bye and they finished 14-2.

5. Las Vegas oddsmakers have them favored to go undefeated, but the Colts always have a problem beating the spread in important games.

6. Their Cheerleaders are not hot enough or skanky enough to make a best selling calendar.

7. The Spoof said that any list has to have at least ten reasons, and I can't think of one for this number. I guess I'll have to make something up for 8, 9, and 10 also.

8. It is the NFC's turn to win the Super Bowl again (even though that has nothing to do with the regular season).

9. Not enough Colts players drive pick up trucks or SUVs. Too many drive little foreign sports cars.

10. The Colts don't play country music in their locker room but listen to rap.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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