Donovan Wins First Annual "Albert Haynesworth Memorial 'You're Not Welcome Here' Award", Is Demoted To 3rd String Quarterback For Redskins' Last Two Games

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Saturday, 18 December 2010


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(Singing): Donny gets the ax, hooray! Donny gets the ax."

Bigoted Washington Redskins Coach Mike Shanahan has demoted $40millon man Donovan McNabb to Lead Offensive Benchwarmer, and says Rex Grossman is his starting caucasian for the rest of the season, beginning with Sunday's game at Dallas.

"McNabb will be the No. 2 quarterback against the Cowboys, and then drop to No. 3 behind Grossman and John Beck for the final two games of the season," said head coach Mike Shanahan, who erected a sign that says 'We Are In It To Win It / Negroes Need Not Apply' in the locker room.

"I also told him," Shanahan said, "that I cannot guarantee him that he will be back next year."

"What a mistake it was to trade for McNabb," he continued. "This is exactly why, in my 26 years in the NFL, I've never had a black starting quarterback."

McNabb, who is having the worst season of his slightly-above-average career, was traded to the Redskins from the Eagles after last season, and recently signed a $3.44 million contract extension.

Philadelphia Eagles fans admit that are somewhat amused by this turn of events.

"Now do you see!? Do you get it now," asked Keyport NJ resident Anthony Rosania. "We knew he'd never out in DC, which is why we traded him to a division rival."

"It was sabotage. Consider Operation Kotite 2.0 a success."

Shanahan knows that this move is risky, but he feels that it is the best way to save his job, even after Redskins owner Dan Snyder intimated that he might be less than thrilled by Shanahan's job performance.

"Let's review, shall we?" said Snyder. "He traded a 2nd round draft pick for a QB he doesn't want, paid said unwanted QB an extra $3.5 million even though he doesn't want him, changed the defense from a 4-3 to a 3-4 without having the right players in place for the scheme, brought in coach Haslett to run the 3-4 even though he's never run a 3-4 defense before, paid Albert Haynesworth $21 million rather than trading him even though he knew Haynesworth didn't want to play in the 3-4, demoted McNabb, our second-highest-paid player and informed McNabb there's no guarantee he'll be with the Skins next year."

"No, I think he's done wonderfully. Let's put a gold f--king star on the calendar for him."

"I have admitted to M. Snyder that mistakes were made this year," said nepotism's wet dream, OC Kyle Shanahan.

"Mistakes were made," boomed Snyder, "Well, no sh-t. What have we got here, a f--king comedian? Kyle, I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you. You can come over to my house and f--k my sister!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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