Written by P.M. Wortham

Thursday, 2 December 2010

image for LeBron's 23 Burns While Fire Crews Engage with Paper Cups
BYOP: Bring your own projectiles for LeBron's return.

Anticipating the return of LeBron James to Cleveland for the first time since his money induced exodus, Cleveland basketball officials are doing everything in their power to reduce the risk of fan outrage during the game, including the switch to paper cups for all beer sales. This, while fans are already planning tailgate parties to burn their LeBron James jerseys.

Though the facts suggest that Mr. James did little more than take the money and run, he attempted to be more philosophical and introspective than that, at least as highlighted in his own ESPN special where the feigned drama was well orchestrated, backlit, and directed. Cleveland fans were left in shock, feeling as if a brother had stolen their car and taken a dump on their porch.

Fan reaction was swift and graphic, leading up to the recent and continuous burning of James famous number 23 jersey, much to the delight of anyone who witnesses the flames. Inside the arena however, no more plastic beer bottles or pint cans will be available. In fact plastic forks and knives were also removed from concession stands, as well as pizza boxes, mustard and catsup bottles, toilet paper rolls, candy bars or anything else that could make for a good projectile.

Long time Cavalier fan and Director of Cleveland's Brotherhood Outreach Center, Randy Lovemann, feels differently about LeBron's return. "I think in the end we're all just fans looking to see a good basketball game. I don't expect anyone to get out of hand at the game".

Cavalier management reminds fans that if you do choose to smoke, or burn a jersey, to do it in outside designated areas only.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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