Michael Vick Injures His Hold-a-Dog-Underwater-Until-It's-Dead Muscle.

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Thursday, 7 October 2010


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During last week's game against the Washington Redskins, whose quarterback looked eerily familiar, especially when he started throwing passes to his receivers' ankles, Eagles Starting QB / Animal Rights Spokesperson Michael Vick was injured, necessitating starter/backup/starter Bobby Hoying II to come on the field, engineering the Birds' hideous loss.

Hold-a-dog-underwater-until-it's-dead muscle?

You're damned right. Hey, does anybody remember what a piece of sh-t Michael Vick was, before he started winning games for the Eagles. He could win 8 Super Bowls in a row for the Eagles, and Mittens the Pitbull will still be dead. Vick can eat a bag of d--ks, for all I care, admitted dog murderer that he is.

On Monday, it was reported that Vick injured his hold-a-dog-underwater-until-it's-dead muscle while diving for extra yardage.

"It's the muscle right between the second and third rib," according to head coach Andy Reid, who spoke to reporters today while feasting on chicken-fried peach cobbler. "This will limit his ability to handoff the football, pass, and hold the losing pitbull in an illegal dogfight in a barrel full of rainwater until it's little legs stop kicking. Forever."

"Vick's status for Sunday night's game at the San Francisco 49ers won't be known until later this week," said Reid. "Vick was very sore on Monday morning."

"We had him working out a little; throwing passes under 20 yards, taking a few snaps from center, and mock-murdering a stuffed beagle toy I had in my trunk," continued Reid. "He was very uncomfortable doing anything other than ringing it's neck."

In other Eagles injury news, the status for RB LeSean McCoy for Sunday's game isn't known. McCoy was injured in the first half against Washington, but was able to play through the injury. "Cause he ain't a p--sy," said Coach Reid.

Also, Eagles players David Akers, Nate Allen, Winston Justice, Jason Avant, Antwan Barnes, Stewart Bradley, Omar Gaither, Clay Harbor, Todd Herremans, Akeem Jordan, Brodrick Bunkley, King Fokou, Trevard Lindley, Jeremy Maclin, as well as former players Seth Joyner, Wes Hopkins, and Wilbert Montgomery all suffered concussions during Sunday's game. Baseball stars Mark Prior and Ken Griffey Jr. were also injured Sunday, while watching the game.

Reid also said rookie WR Riley Cooper and starting CB Asante Samuel suffered mild concussions. Both players are being evaluated on Monday.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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