Written by masterchev

Tuesday, 21 September 2010


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image for Moyes defends tactics despite shit start to season
"Ok guys, if we all huddle like this, they DEFINITELY won't score a goal"

Everton Manager David Moyes is currently experiencing the worst start to the season in twelve years, but he still sticks by his tactics.

The manager, notorious these days for developing the efficient 5-5-0 formation, claims he knew what he was doing when they recently lost 1-0 to newly promoted Newcastle.

"I think it was an alright game myself. I love how defensive we got... after they scored that goal. Yeah, they didn't score in the second half did they?" Moyes added happily as he examines the chalkboard.

Moyes has recently received a lot of stick for signing young gun Jermaine Beckford. The manager also insists that Yakubu is worth the price of an Everton player... despite missing in the World Cup for Nigeria.

"We keep trying to feed the Yak, but he just won't score anymore. Although we fed him so much a few seasons ago, the doctors complained he may have a high blood pressure. So we've dieted him down a bit,"

"As for the 5-5-0 formation, it allows us to effectively dominate the midfield. Johnny (Heitinga) can play more up front, and allow our Spanish Magician Mikky to come back and defend. Everybody's happy!"

Speculation suggests Beckford will be dropped to goal this weekend to allow Tim Howard the chance to play up front on his own. Will Beckford FINALLY score for Everton? We shall see!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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