Written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 10 August 2010

image for Famous Minor League Baseball Player Wins Dubious Distinction
Chin Music Tuttleman, all 5 foot 2 inches of him at bat.

Blooperstown, FL - As if being the most famous baseball player in the minor leagues wasn't enough of a bitter-sweet moniker, Chad "Chin Music" Tuttleman was inducted into the Minor League Baseball Hall of Fame yesterday amid lukewarm applause and a few muttered questions overheard between audience members, most frequently; "Chad who?"

Tuttleman remains the most famous player to never to make it to the big leagues, noted mostly for his individual statistics on the field and in the batter's box. Carrying a lifetime .267 batting average, with an on base percentage that rivals most top MLB players, Tuttleman was most recognized for his efforts in the "bunt", "walk" and the stolen bases categories.

"Yeah, Chin Music wasn't what we might call a big man", says former teammate and recent winner of the Illinois State lottery, Sandy Grimes. "That little guy had a strike zone about the size of a salad plate. They would either walk him or give him something he could bunt. Come to think of it, I don't think he ever hit anything out of the infield", said Grimes.

When asked about Tuttleman's nickname Grimes replied, "You know, that boy was fast at stealing bases but clumsy as an elephant on roller skates when he tried to slide. He jammed his face into the bag more times than at home with his wife".

Most experts believe Tuttleman's clumsy nature and inability to actually hit a ball, kept him from being called up to the majors. "It was fun to watch him steal a base though", said Grimes. "We couldn't keep enough band-aids in the first aid kit."

Tuttleman accepted his award while only commenting, "Thanks, I think". Now retired from baseball for more than 15 years, Tuttleman plans to return home where he owns and operates the largest coin operated car wash in Normal, Illinois, and is the acting President of the Illinois Paperback Book Recycling Association which boasts a constituency of more than 7 active members. His wife, Trudy, was also recently voted as "Beauty Queen" at the Illinois Weight Watcher's convention in the "Under 200 Pound" category.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Hall of Fame

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