Dawson Inducted to the MLB Hall, McGwire Slighted Again

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Thursday, 7 January 2010

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Major League Baseball Hall of Fame inductees were announced this week for 2010, including noted hitter Andre Dawson, former coach Whitey Herzog and umpire Doug Harvey. Garnering only 23% of the voting, former home run king, Mark McGwire, didn't even come close.

Though Dawson's selection should have been the story of the day, blogs and news reports of McGwire's snubbing topped the wire services, while insiders tell reporters that McGwire was clearly upset by the poor voting results. Passers by the McGwire home would have seen him moving cars around in his driveway, and sinking in new fence posts around the yard by hand. In McGwire's case, "by hand" means lifting cars by hand, and driving posts into the ground without the benefit of digging holes first.

Adding perhaps more insult to the injury of the poor voting results, Dawson, although a superior hitter in his day, played for two of the worst teams in the national league. His statistics were notable, but not from the team's performance perspective. With the shadow of the MLB Steroid scandal still hanging over McGwire's head, it was clear that his performance on the field and for his team was still not enough to put him in a position closer to the Hall.

Neighbors near the McGwire home try to avoid that side of the street when he is in a poor mood. "With arms the thickness of oak trees, and biceps the size of pumpkins, we tend to stay clear of Mark on gloomy days", said one neighbor who chose to remain nameless. "I don't know how he buys clothes, honestly".

Home renovation is apparently next on McGuire's list, perhaps as a way to get past the news of the poor voting. Demolition has begun on the back side of the McGuire estate as walls continue to be knocked down apparently as prep for a new addition. No tools were being used in the remodeling.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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