Sky Force People To Pay For Sky Sports News

Funny story written by Gary Midgeley

Friday, 18 June 2010

image for Sky Force People To Pay For Sky Sports News
Fans riot on hearing the news

BSkyB is to take Sky Sports News off Freeview, ending eight years of free-to-air broadcasting of the channel.

The satellite broadcaster has decided to replace the 24-hour sports news service with a new Sky 3+1 channel and move the Sky Sports News channel so it is not free-to-air and add an extra HD, non free version of the channel too.

This controversial decision didn't go down well as free-to-air TV has seriously reduced in quality over the years and people haven't responded well to the news that they now will be losing another previously free channel and be asked to pay for it instead, but Rupert Murdoch defended the decision, "We still broadcast free-to-air channels of the very best quality such as 'Bible Basher TV', the 'Ocean Finance' channel and the world famous 'Fishing' channel, which bored a record breaking 8 people to death by suicide in it's very first hour of broadcast".

He then went on to remind us of the several free-to-air movie channels too, which consist of; the 'Dull, Average Money None, Cinema Releases And Productions' movie channel or the 'DAMNCRAP' movie channel for short, DAMNCRAP movie channel+1, DAMNCRAP movie channel+2 and the DAMNCRAP movie channel gold, then he added "What are people complaining about".

Sky has promised viewers willing to pay to watch the Sky Sports News channel that the extra revenue created by this move will be used to increase the quality of the sports news channel, by doing things like; repeating the same sports news every 15 minutes instead of every 10, make the ticker tape of news at the bottom of the screen move even faster, showing an impressive 100 sports news stories per second and Sky also claim that if there's no sports news to cover, or a slow sports news day, then they will have enough money to simply make the news happen themselves by hiring people to crash into sports stars cars or pay prostitutes to seduce footballers then tell their wives or even funding football violence to help generate the sporting news, "The options are endless" said an excited Sky spokesman.

Many have claimed that this move is just another step in Sky's plan to control, dominate and take over the worlds sports coverage and sports news coverage, comparing Rupert Murdoch to the Bond villain 'Elliot Carver' from the 007 film 'Tomorrow Never Dies', but these claims were strongly denied, "We haven't got all the sports and you can still see entertaining sporting events on free-to-air TV, such as cheese rolling, skater dudes world cup and competitive speed walking and to compare me to a super villain is preposterous" said Rupert Murdoch from his secret volcano lair.

Sky Sports News will be removed from free-to-air broadcast later this year and we will find out if Sky scored an own goal in making this decision.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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