Loser, John Strumpet, today found himself in the usual grip of losing a football game, playing for his local amateur team "Bob's Boys" - only to find himself slotting home two beautiful crafted and taken goals in the dying minutes.
"It was amazing," said lingerer, Toby Chance. "The guy, I don't know his name, all of a sudden seemed to just lift his head up, pull up his shorts and say: 'You know what, I'm not having this any more' and Bam! Goals number one and two. I dropped my butty, so when the game finished I lamped him one."
Strumpet, 43, was said to have claimed that the inspiration came from above - an office building that's near the 5-a-side pitch he was playing from, from which someone apparently shouted "'ave it!". And have it, he did.
Friend/Football colleague Marty Wilkes filled in the gaps:
"John's an odd sod. He loses at everything, when he joined the team two years ago we hadn't won at all. He never wins the lottery, he doesn't win the pools. He went to Krufts with his schnauzer Benny and didn't win that, either. The guy just loses - he's a proper loser."
Strumpet himself was unavailable for comment as he was busy making his tea when we called, but we're certain he's thrilled, delighted and getting ready to put some money on the nags.
