Sources revealed today that Jose Mourinho has indeed quit as head coach of newly crowned European champions Inter Milan, but that he won't be going to Real Madrid after all.
Because he's already signed a deal with newly relegated Portsmouth.
It seems that the south coast club will shortly announce that they will be taken over by a mystery benefactor who will clear the club's debt, appoint Mourinho, make several big name signings, construct a new 120,000 seat stadium and catapult Pompey straight back into the Premiership.
The mystery benefactor has not been named but it is believed that he comes from the far east, that he commands an army of red shirted supporters, and that he was once connected to Manchester City.
One source told us that Mourinho is relishing the prospect of bringing the glory days back to Pompey. Apparently, the clincher was the Spinnaker Tower, which they'll never match in Madrid, and the completion of the Portsmouth-Gosport tram link, which so far is no nearer completion than it was when Charles Dickens lived in the city.
Rumours abound that Burnley, and Hull City, who both tried to lure the Portuguese genius are "dead jealous." And Cristiano Ronaldo is apparently "gutted."
Play up Pompey!
More as we get it.
