Jose Mourinho's Real of Fortune

Funny story written by Bill Licks

Friday, 21 May 2010

image for Jose Mourinho's Real of Fortune
Jesus Christ - Assistant manager at Porto when Mourinho won the Champions League in 2003

Jose Mourinho will lead out his Inter Milan side against Bayern Munich on Saturday to compete for the biggest prize in football.

A coaching job at Real Madrid.

First of all he needs his Italian side to defeat the German side in the final of that tedious European football competition, the Champions League which will be refereed by an Englishman, Simon Cowell who is contractually obliged to appear on ITV every Saturday evening until the year 2090 no matter what crap ITV agree to show in that prime time slot.

The Special One (Jose Mourinho not Simon Cowell ) hopes his Inter team can win back the trophy he first won as the manager of Porto in 2003. He calls it the biggest prize in football, even bigger than the World Cup although he no doubt said the same thing about the Carling Cup which he won twice during his spell as manager of Chelsea. It could be worth nearly 120 million Euros to Inter Milan if they are successful against Bayern, however Mourinho could earn that himself if he signs a four year contract at the Bernabeu in Madrid next season.

Real Madrid have not won a domestic trophy for two seasons and have not tasted European success since they won the Champions League in 2002. Mourinho looks set to be the manager next season no matter what the result is on Saturday as the final is being played in the Bernabeu in front of the owners and directors of the Spanish giant, who will be busily drawing up a contract as Jose acquaints himself with his possible new home. Only a 6-nil thrashing by Bayern could be the result that puts Mourinho's future in jeopardy meaning he would have to live with the humiliation of managing the team who succumbed to the heaviest defeat in a European final.

And would also mean further humiliation as he would more than likely have to spend the next four years managing Liverpool instead.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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