The Russian President has welcomed his Olympic "Loser" Team home with a quick trip to Siberia, a short-sharp dose of stone breaking at -50 degrees, a diet of reindeer blood mixed with Siberian Rat meat and sprint swimming in the Artic Sea (BRRRR!).
Ever since the end of the Sowjet era the Russian winter Olympic teams have been performing like SHIT!
Embarassed Medvedev has had enough and has introduced these draconian measures (see above) to teach his Olympians to stop acting like a bunch of "western wimps" and bring some medals home otherwise the empty Stalags will be waiting.
Gay russian Ice "Dancing" Queen, Dimitri Bollockoff, gave the following, harrowing statement:
"In ze ol days ve vere given hormone injections and performance enhancing drugs to turn me into a voman, nowadays I must dance like a real Queen!"
As for the Russian Icehockey failures they have all been sentenced to 3 months hard labour at Stalag 13 where they will be tortured daily by having to watch the Olympic final, Canada v USA every hour (worse torture than swimming naked in the Volga with Olga the shotputter)!
Medvedev is sure that this will teach them all a lesson, "PERESTROJKA MY BUTT!!"