The footballing world was brought to a near standstill today, as rookie journalist Anthony Abdul Gonzales dared ask a question that is seldom ever talked about. Why do rival football fans hate each other?
Interviewing a special panel of supporters representatives from throughout the Football League, Mr. Gonzales' seemingly innocent question was greeted with a combination of rage and bewilderment.
"......but, what do you mean? He supports the dirty scum Man United. How can I not hate him?" reasoned Liverpool's fan representative, Sunit Davda.
"Yeah, and he supports Liverpool and lives in London", retorted Manchester United's Freddie '5 fingers' Mallone, (who also lives in London and is in fact a close neighbour of Mr. Davda.)
These were the last two comprehensible statements that could be quoted as the meeting descended into petty name calling and obscene stereotypes.
As Mr Gonzales pressed for a solid reason as to why one club should fundamentally more hate worthy than another, the panel started to become increasingly agitated.
"WHAT IS THIS B***S***? We have a right to hate people wherever they are from and whoever they support, and the fact is, they are from over there and we are from over here", Exclaimed an excited panel member.
"So, I suppose being of English, Arabic, and Hispanic descent you would have disliked my family as they are from over there and you are from over here?", questioned Mr. Gonzales.
All of the crowd fell silent, with exception of the Leeds representative, who answered very strongly in the affirmative.
As the audience fell into deep contemplation, they all seemed to have a simultaneous epiphany. The majority of them had no reason for supporting their own clubs, let alone hating anyone else's. It was simply a vicious circle of hate and counter-hate passed through the generations.
"I only hated you because I thought you hated me", sobbed a misty eyed Mr. Davda.
"Of course I don't hate you Sunit, we watch all the games together in my flat. We even went splitsies on the cable", responded Mr. Mallone, before the two exchanged a hearty hug.
"Lets find a better way of competing than insulting each others teams, like measuring our c*cks, counting the number of women we've banged or even how much we have in the bank." Concluded Mr. Davda.