After today admitting taking crystal meth (methamphetamine) in 1997, then lying through his dentally enhanced teeth by telling the ATA that someone had, and I quote, 'contaminated' his glass. Tennis star, Andre Gaseous told reporters. "I am so, like you know, man. It's cool. Why the f*****g lizards?"
Gaseous, talking through an interpreter told waiting press at the Bolivian College of Further Enlightenment. " I admit to taking crystal meth. It was a one off, well, perhaps not, I don't really remember. All I kinow is that I hate this game, always have, always will. I hate this f*****g game with a passion. I really do. I f*****g hate it."
When one reporter pointed out to Gaseous that most people hate their jobs, but don't get paid a shagging fortune for doing it, Gaseous allowed his eyeballs to roll back into the top of his head, foamed at the mouth slightly and quelled any rumours that his drug taking had affected his judgement by stating categorically. "Whoop! whoop! Who's a nice penguin, then? Boing!" before being carried from the room to a waiting ambulance.
