Written by Morse

Saturday, 10 October 2009

image for ESPN's Hot New Announcer, Skoob, Questions Leeds United Ownership!
One Legged Leeds United Striker Trying to Cope Amidst Allegations of Financial Schemes!

Only on the ESPN soccer staff for less than a week, the dynamic pairing of popular local soccer announcer Skoob1999, and Peep Hole Princess, Erin Andrews, is paying dividends for ratings in the US with their totally new look into the cult of international soccer.

Kicking off 'This Week in Soccer', seen on delayed telecasts in the US by subscription in franchised pubs in New York, Boston, and on Fire Island, Skoob launched an on air investigation of the murky ownership of Leeds United, the soccer club seeking over $7m to construct a stadium facility 'just in case' the UK gets to host the 2018 World Cup.

Financial reports released, slowly so far, seem to indicate that first the club was owned by a mysterious entity located in the Cayman Islands, which has one cricket field, no soccer pitch, 17,500 privately owned banks, and is home to more than 1m international corporations. Attorneys are too numerous to count.

When Leeds' Council members delved further into the matter, the next indication that emerged, was that the club was owned by 10,000 private stock holders, none of which have been named to date.

The Leeds Council, which is charged with verifying ownership and to confirm that "money is not being laundered" is still doggedly on the trail of the club's ownership.

Leeds United, itself just recovering from losing the legs of several star mid fielders and strikers due to a serial case of bizarre amputations( Ed. Note: See Magazine Section on 'Below Decks" Series), has been rebuilding the team slowly.

Said Skoob late last night, " They seem to have finally gotten a leg up on the situation, but this ownership scheme has to come into the light of day!"

ESPN investigators say they are on the trail of a Ponzi scheme where apparently 10,000 shares in the club have been sold 100,000 times at $50K each, or a total of $5,000,000,000, enough they said to even bail out Iceland!

A spokesman for ESPN said both Skoob and Andrews have recently gone 'under the covers', and startling videos showing them being guaranteed 2500% returns if they buy Leeds stock, will be featured on the next show!

ACORN spokesman Jesse Jackson, Jr., when told about the upcoming revelations said forcefully, "No, No....it ain't about US this Time...back off or you won't have a leg to stand on!"

"More as we get it"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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