New York, NY- Tiger Woods' insurance company has released a statement that Tiger Woods did indeed pass wind at the Buick Open at Warwick Hills GCC, thus avoiding any long, drawn out litigation between various parties.
It is understood that Tiger is furious with having to admit the indescretion saying, "I did not pass that fart. I am innocent and wish to clear my name in a court of law". So far, however, no one has come forward with a civil suit although over 59% of people polled believe Tiger is the culprit.
Said one media pundit, "I can see where Tiger is coming from. Here you have a situation where one of the leading sports figures is accused, tried, and found guilty in the court of public opinion of doing something he adamantly denies doing and he has no way of defending himself. He desperately wants some way to 'clear the air' as it were and reclaim his reputation."
Previous to the insurance company's statement, it is believed people representing Tiger Woods were actually soliciting for someone to come forward and sue Tiger, just so they could defend him in a court of law. At this point, however, the insurance company feels this would be a risky venture and would put the whole Tiger Woods money making machine at risk.
The insurance company would prefer to settle out of court should someone step forward with a valid legal complaint and this acknowledgement of guilt would smooth the way for an out of court settlement leading to a much smaller payout.
It is believed also that Mr. Woods has spent a considerable sum on private investigators, proving perhaps that, as far as professional golf is concerned, an ill wind blows no good.
